Archive | January, 2010

Porn vs Art

31 Jan

It has been a while since I watched TV, video clips mainly, just to run over Amar’s new video today on Melody!

I won’t talk about the music or the song itself since that is a whole different issue. What bothered me is the video itself! First thing came up to my mind watching that video was; since when they started filming songs in whorehouses?
I never knew that video clip making is a synonym for pornography? Or it just sells more that way? On that note, it will be selling what exactly? Jad Choueiry was obvious at least that he left his phone number with his famous “call me” or “كلمني”.

To be clear I’m not against that! Not against the video in particular or whatever this “singer” or that, likes to do in her\his free time.
But I’m against screening such a video clip the whole day on a channel easily accessed by young children.

Did it ever occurred to you that this will be affecting the youth negatively? Come on that would only lead to a screwed up generation! Yes more screwed up than this! And what actually pisses me off that we have limits and laws for what to say and not say, everywhere, but we have no limits for videos like that!

So you can’t speak up your mind about any issue but you can strip on TV. Or you can speak up your mind, but we won’t listen unless you strip!

I’m not, by any way, undermining body’s needs or saying it’s wrong or bad. But it’s really sad to see little kids trying to fulfill their desires in the time that they don’t know what desire is! Not knowing what an orgasm is! That is not only sad but freaky as well.

And what is really more pathetic is that we report a painting telling the most powerful tale about Palestine; the will, the beauty and the culture just because it shows a woman’s breasts. But we take no action towards such a porn video!
That is just ridiculous!!

Cosmetics

16 Jan

He got a perfect face! A face that girls adore and guys envy..but when he is alone, he looks at his face in the mirror..his finger follows that large scar along his cheek and a tear streams down that scar..

As we grow older we grow more fragile and less immune. When we are kids we fall, we get all kind of bruises and wounds that are healed with a kiss, 2 weeks later even the scar (most of the times) disappear.

Then we grow older, “more experienced” and wounds leave a very visible scar that we see even if it disappears and we try to hide it with every kind of cosmetics.

if someone seems to be over nice… be sure that he’s sooo mean
if someone seems to be sarcastic… then be sure that he’s sooo nice deep inside
if someone seems mean then he’s so fragile deep inside

Roula Al-Masri

A defense mechanism probably!!
But why we need those mechanisms? Why we are always defensive? Why we are always afraid?

A hypocrite!

10 Jan

He sells lottery tickets. He, a chubby little kid with red round cheeks, sells lottery tickets..

The kid: give it a shot!

Me: No thanks, :).

The kid: ok..

Me: how old are you?

The kid: 10.

Me: you live with your parents?

The kid: yes!

Me: what does your dad do for a living?

The kid: he sells lottery tickets.

Me: and your mom?

The kid: she cleans houses.

Me: have you ever been to school?

The kid: no…

Me: What’s your name?

The kid: Ali…

Me: I’m Zeina…How about I teach you how to read? You can come to the office every day after 5 and I’ll teach you for a whole hour, ask your dad, why don’t you?

The elevator reaches the 9th floor; I walk to my office thinking what I could have told him before he got off at the 5th floor!!

During that 1 minute conversation he didn’t make an eye contact. His eyes were wandering all over the cabin’s walls, his sight bouncing off the corners, the lottery tickets in his hands, his fingers, his feet.. anything but my eyes!

Nervous, he was; afraid maybe…?

Movies are just too overrated, exploiting some people so other people can get more money!

This post is a waste.

A hypocrite I am!

Two persons do meet for a reason!

He changed a perspective I had and thanks to him, now, I’m a bit more human and less of a virus. I’m more thankful to the family I have, to the tree we played beneath, to the firecracker that almost cost me an eye…

I found my reason; he made a difference in my life!

But what have I done in return?!!

I can not hate you…

5 Jan

With all the chores I have to finish, and the loads of papers, emails… I have to deal with, I’m wasting my time on wordpress!

Frustration is invading my soul, and I’m not able to fight.. not even run away!

No! I want to run away and I don’t want to fight!

I’m dreaming of another life! Another identity, another face, another pair of eyes,  another way of thinking..

Being born in another matrix where money does matter! Where I have no principles, where myself can be shushed or locked behind an iron mask  somewhere far far away!

Where he still exists, not him in particular but what he was supposed to be!
If you were still here maybe I would be less afraid! Maybe, just maybe I would be less worried and less vulnerable!

According to my standards (her -myself- standards) I have failed!

Failed to keep a commitment! Failed to keep an interest!

And all I fear is to turn out like you (“him” whatever)!

All I fear is to be dead while I’m alive!

All I fear is to die while my loved ones are trying to love me, trying not to hate me because they love me!

That they claim another me to be me in a pathetic attempt to accept me!

All I fear is to disappoint them and yet they forgive me!

Heart please slow down a bit so I can take a deep breath, so I can think, so I can find a solution!

But how can I love you? I’m lost in the memory trying to lose you from there!

My thoughts  confuse what really happened with what imaginary events I’ve made up to tell my friends.. to tell myself. Events I’ve made up to convince myself that you loved me!

Do you know now about the nights I’ve cried trying to understand why you gave up on us? Or the nights I’ve spent praying for you to get well,  to be able walk again, for the pain to disappear…

You know that I love you, right?!

You know I can never hate you!