Then all you have is 2 seconds.. 2 seconds to weigh the whole thing.. You’ll turn into a psychic, you can see the future. For 2 seconds you get the insight, for you will know the exact reaction of each of them for every possible scenario you composed in the first fractions of these 2 seconds..
You are shaking and sweating.. yet you can see yourself from across the room..calm and poised, but your face, the same face you saw starring at you each day in the mirror, looks different..
You look closer, you study the lines of your face trying hard to know what had changed.. You look at all those people around you.. and you figure it all.. it’s not about you anymore..
Now you know..
You take a final look at yourself, wipe a tear and bid it-yourself- farewell.
While you came to this world with a cry for oxygen, you hold your tears now.. It’s not about you anymore.
When the challenge is not a wrong choice, a problem with your boss, failing that physics test, being dumped or even heartbroken.. survival is not a luxury anymore and fighting becomes a lifestyle.
Every other thing becomes secondary and you just do not care anymore.
No this is not despair, but the only thing that matters is what you carve in the hearts of others.
Nothing else matters but to comfort your sister.. your little brother.. your sick mother..
It is not about you anymore.
Survival now, is when you accept what happened, when you have the courage to admit that you have to accept your defeat and that your human capabilities are limited..
Years after that you’ll realize that what have changed was not related to your face lines, but what reflects the soul..
Look at your most recent, most spontaneous, photos… what do you see in your eyes?!
“لا تصدق أن الإنسان ينمو. لا. إنه يولد فجأة: كلمة ما، في لحظة، تشق صدره على نبض جديد، مشهد واحد يطوح به من سقف الطفولة إلى وعر الطريق”.
غسان كنفاني بيروت 1967
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